I am in a very low spot

I am in a very low spot right now. I just don't see things getting any better. I have been basically unemployed since November, and no prospects, no nothing. I feel like I am just treading water. I feel let down in so many areas, and there is NO WHERE I feel like I can turn for help.

Be more faithful in Church...How can I when the church isn't exactly what it claims to be.

Find more faith in Christ and turn to him. I've tried that. I sometimes feel like I am talking to the wall and he's just an imaginary friend for grown ups.

I feel so bitter at the whole world sometimes that if something doesn't change, I am going to do something postal and end up in jail.

I don't feel like there is much hope of anything.

I didn't want to be HERE when I reached this age. I remember where I wanted to be when I was a teenager, and this isn't IT.

Something has got to change or I honestly have to say...I won't be long for this world.

Walking with the Boys

I think one of the funnest things to do as a father is to go out walking with your boys. I went with Andrew earlier in the day to the Mt. St Helens observatory off Spirit Lake and went walking around their one mile trail and then we viewed the stuff in there. Then I sent later in the day with Derek to walk around Borst Park in Centralia, and then took all 4 of the boys to Tiger Stadium to walk around the new track. It is a nice new track and the football field is made of a fake grass which should never need to be mowed. It's very interesting to feel it. You wouldn't want to lay on it, but I don't think you would hurt yourself and get all muddy like you would with a real field

So right now I am watching Buddy our cat playing in the window seal. It should be interesting to see if he is stuck, because it looks like he is trying to find a way to get out.

The Vacuum Sales Man Adventure

This last couple of weeks has been quite interesting to say the least.

Tina wanted to get a barbeque set from this company for filling out a survey or something like that a while back. In order to get the set you had to listen to a guy give a demonstration for a vacuum cleaner. So the guy came over and in order to get us to buy their equipment, being unemployed, they offered me a job.

I took said job and went through the training and was put out in the field. Everytime I would try to do the closing script and say what the client was saying to me though, the stupid 'owner' of the company if he was on the other end would yell at me going "whoah, whoah, whoah"

"I'm sorry?"

Then he would start tearing into me about their precious little closing script. You need to mention AIRFLOW vs. SUCTION.

Give me a break. These people have just been telling me no way no how are they going to spend 4000 bucks for a vacuum and you are freaking out about whether or not they know AIRFLOW.

It was kind of interesting how some of these people almost treated this job like it was their CULT. I kid you not, one person said FILTERQUEEN was her religion.

Good for you.

So feeling a bit anxious, I decided to return my equipment because I didn't feel that sick to my stomach since I had had my great depression. There was something just wrong about the work.

Also my back was killing me and my knees were popping.

Tina wasn't too happy with me, and I still don't think she is, so she went and got herself a new van, because it seemed like it was time.

I figured that even though they said it was part time, that if you actually did what they wanted, you would NEVER see your family. They wouldn't allow you to hold on to paperwork until the next day. I mean you have bigger paperwork in insurance and they still let you bring it in the next morning. So you are in Aberdeen let's say, close at 11, drive back to Olympia, instead of home, because they need the paperwork, and then home, and you don't get there until 1

Just great.