So I have suffered from Depression for as long as I can remember. I was undiagnosed though until I was about 25. I have taken all the anti-depressants, done counseling, etc.
So recently I had this thought to get healthy by walking and eating better, etc. I went full board for this for about 2 days and them WHAM! I look at myself in the mirror and think...
No matter how much you exercise, no matter how healthy you get now, you are still going to get older and then die. So what is the point?
I am struggling with this thought. I had a good friend killed a couple of months ago who worked where I do, and it's hard sometimes to go in there. Today was one of those days. You can be healthy as an Ox and then someone comes along and kills you. What's the point of all this crap we have to deal with?
I thought I was over this event, but sometimes lately, I feel like I might be going into a serious depression again and I am just barely holding on. I feel like breaking down and crying. No one understands. They just want me all to buck up, work my crappy job, and live a boring safe life, punching a time card for something I don't enjoy at a place that reminds me of my dead friend. I have tried looking for another job, but so far nothing yet. I don't know if a change of job would make me happier or not. I still would have to live with myself.
I need to get some zest and reason for going on, but I don't know how, other than upping the anti-depressants or something.
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